Yes ladies, I want us to embrace singleness. This is not to say you should ditch your significant other or become a hermit. Do not ditch your hopeless romantic side that daydreams about one day having a family, big or small. But, I do want you to embrace the feeling of standing on your own.
As much as I am a hopeless romantic, I am the one who pities the woman who stays in bed on a Friday night eating ice cream because she's too depressed to go out. I've been her. I feel guilty about the woman who sees all her friends in relationships and thinks to herself "why does nobody want me?" I feel downright nasty about the women who belittle themselves to get the attention of any man's lusty affection. A man who very well may catcall any pair of legs and beautiful eyes. A man who may tell her she's a "one night stand and nothing more." A man who may abuse her, or even worse.
This is also for the little girls who dream of being princesses. The mothers, with young daughters, who are playing two roles. The young women with low self-esteem and broken hearts that have never known another love and helplessly search for it in between the seams. The bosses who are called "intimidating" and are too scared to let their true skin show. To the women worldwide who just never seem to be in the know.
How do we break the mold?
First, stop being scared to go out alone. I mean utterly alone. Without your girlfriends, without your man, without your kids, or your dog. Girl, it's time you put on your best shoes and stepped out as a confident woman. And just so you don't think I'm picking on you, I want you to hand this list I'm about to drop on you to your best friends. I want you to show them and be like "yeah, it's time you realized this too." So here's how you become the star, instead of the background:
- Pick one day out of the week and make it yours. Don't worry about what time your show comes on, who has texted you, and where everyone else wants you to be. Don't worry about how bad the day before was or what's going to happen tomorrow. You make a promise to yourself to celebrate you, just you.
- Wake up whenever you want and put on your best. If you feel like a queen in a t-shirt and jeans, wear it. If all you need is a pair of stilettos and a dress, get it! No make-up, a classic red lip (I see you T-Swift), or a special smoky look, take your time. Look at yourself and go "****, I LOOK GOOD!" I'm so serious. You don't have to curse but you do have to feel like the day is yours.
- Take yourself out to brunch, lunch, or to the coffee shop. Yes, I want you to go to your favorite spot solo. Don't worry about who will look at you. It's not about them, remember? Go, order your favorite meal, have a glass of something refreshing, and put your phone DOWN. Yes, take a photo for Instagram if you must but post it later. Trust me, social media will still be there when you get done. Look at the people around you, look at the details in your favorite space, get a seat outside or by the windows and just enjoy this time. If you're headed to the coffee shop, take a journal and start a list of all the reasons you should go solo again.
- The rest of the day is yours, do whatever you like! My favorite thing to do on solo days is get up early, take a hike (or do some yoga), go home for breakfast, shower, put on my best, take myself shopping, go to lunch, come back home and pop in my favorite movie while I snuggle with my cat Peanut.
- Make sure you wait until nightfall to rejoin social media. You wish I had told you that first, right? No. I know you. You would have bailed on me, most importantly on yourself. You deserve to be appreciated and celebrated, darling. You can't always expect everyone else to do it when you won't even give yourself the time of day.
So what's the conclusion?
That women everywhere need to go solo. We need to unplug for a day. We need to love our bodies, love our minds, and feed our souls without constantly reading about "how sad for her, she has no man." Excuse me, have you seen what women can do without a man? Have you seen what they can do with one? Why does it matter that much that she doesn't have a ring on her finger or a boyfriend or kids or loves another woman? Why is that your problem?
More women should go to the bookstore alone, to an event alone, to whatever their heart desires. Be brave enough to show up for yourself and you never know who you'll inspire. Be smart enough to realize nobody is going to make you take care of you, this is your choice. You've got to realize you are worth taking care of and loving.
Girlfriend, it's time you drop the mic on the stage and step out into the real world. You may be going out there alone but imagine, on every corner of the world, another brave woman is stepping out there with you too.
So who is brave enough to take the challenge and share what happened?