The Warmth of Beginning Again Meets a Summer of Surrender
While my favorite season of the year hasn’t begun quite yet—yes, I’m an Autumn baby—I would miss the mark if I didn’t talk about the last 7 months. So here I am, blogging for the first time in ages, to do my part with heart.
Besides, someone, somewhere, needs to hear and know that there is beauty in the pivot.
Funny thing is…it wasn’t just one pivot.
It was more like every time I learned something, made a new connection, or even spoke with God, the game changed. I would begin something new, and the physical comfort zone didn’t exist. But neither did a disturbed nervous system.
In January, I was focused on my role as a member of the Black Media Guild.
By the end of February, I would meet with the team for Pariah Magazine and take on the new title of Thee Integrator.
In March, I started mapping the details of my first book to be released in print. Yup, my words on paper.
By mid-April, I would start Season 7 of Cyd Tells All while starting a new job shortly after serving people.
In May, I would finally answer the call to serve in the way God had been pressing on my heart for over a year and start a prayer circle called “The River Between” on the Telegram app.
In June, I would take on the role of an official Content Creator for DuragFest while simultaneously doing what I do best, collecting candid content of the community I love so much in my favorite city.
In July, I relaunched this website, dropped the first two episodes of It’s Cyd’s Life exclusively on YouTube, and created a broadcast channel on Instagram, The Garden Path, to meet the needs of a different group of God’s children.
I know I am missing a lot of things. Like the fact that I was gardening with my mom the entire time, and her vision of the front yard came to life, which makes me so excited.
I also know that there were a lot of endings during this time.
Where one story ends, another one begins.
I ended my tell-all podcast with one episode released for Season 7 with the thought that maybe I would pour that energy into Kingdom Unplugged, or Never Without Love, or a new podcast. Not exactly.
I ended a personal relationship (really, several) that I thought would be forever. They couldn’t go where I’m going.
I broke up with my proclamation of The Year of Audacity in the Name of Good, cause I was tired of looking back, and it’s more like my life is a testimony of what it looks like to do your part with heart. Not everyone will view what I do as good.
I had one of my last alcoholic drinks in February at an event. Started to drink on occasion again for the first time in July, and was like “yup, this can miss me too. Don’t want it.”
“So, what is really going on God?”
Something far bigger and better than my brain can actually fathom.
I just know God turned my pivots into purpose.
I am no longer stuck in the loop that if one thing doesn’t work out, I failed.
Did I learn? Yup. Then I didn’t fail.
Now, I may have gotten stuck in an entirely different loop of starting a million things at once in my own strength—been there, done that, do not recommend—but this launch of Cydneyrai that took place on 7.7 felt different. I was rooted in God’s promise and not my own vision.
Still a visionary. Still HER. And still, all glory to God, always and forever.
I know I’m standing on a better foundation with people who see me, challenge me, hear me, nurture me, and celebrate me in ways I have always longed for but never knew how to speak on.
So wait, what’s with the title?
Oh, the pretty words at the very beginning of the post? The poet in me. She jumps out on occasion, still.
I’d argue my empathy, compassion, and depth are what make me a great copywriter, even in corporate settings.
It was also an ode to how I’m feeling about the last 7 months. I could have focused on all the spiritual warfare that took place, and nearly did as I was freewriting this. I chose not to.
The world is chaotic and fearful enough. And, I would love to celebrate and honor myself more. Publicly. Loudly.
That’s just me, though.
